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This article is the first of a trilogy on success and happiness. It unfolds the natural connection between success and the road to happiness.
In this first part you can read about the difference between natural and forced moments of happiness and bliss and how you tend to lose yourself when you trie to (re)create a moment of bliss. The second article goes into the conditionality and how you become dependent whenever you lack inner trust and faith. The third and final article of this trilogy addresses why the road to succes and happiness is empty and how to find your way back to your inner home.
“I can make you successful”
Every now and then, messages pass me by from people who claim they can make me successful. Managers, business coaches, so called therapists, institutes or organizations; even perfume or chocolate would make me successful. These ‘success’ gurus have one thing in common: I need to spend money on them first. To me, it often strikes me as if they are saying: “Come with me, pay me money and I will give you instant bliss!”. Well, it would at least be more honest if they would say that. And I’m sure they can 🙂 But will it make me happy?
Would it really be that easy, becoming successful? Can I really buy success by believing in somebody elses product or quality (whatever that quality is) and jump into their to me still unknown world full of secrets, tips and trics? Am I really so dumb that I am missing some important aspect of life other people have figured out a long time ago? Have I overlooked the key to success, money and happiness?
Success and happiness
Success is often associated with bliss, speed and money. There comes a certain rush to it, which is similar to the way a lot of magazines, music videos, television programs and advertisement reflect on sexual activity. Success and happiness are just like sex often connected in marketing terms, because they both tend to awake a desire in you: a desire to belong. To belong to the majority, to a group. To belong to the ones in life that seemingly ‘have it all’.Â And you yearn to belong instinctively, because it makes you feel safe.
“The longing for success and happiness awakes an instinctive need to belong, out of a deep yearning for safety.”
The ‘success gurus’ try to awake the same instinct in you. They try to make you believe there is a short cut to success, through which you can avoid all of your regular problems. And their message is pretty much the same: they promise you the bliss of success.
Don’t get me wrong: I love chocolate, success and bliss. I love pleasures and blissful moments. They are great. And I experience them several times a day, at moments I am touched or overwhelmed by a flavour, feeling or sensation. For example when I eat a sandwhich that is prepared with attention and love. Or when I share a heart felt moment of joy and laughter with my family and friends. When somebody compliments me sincerely on my work, I do feel proud and successful.
These are moments of natural bliss. They come and go throughout many of your days. And they are there to be enjoyed to the fullest, so please do! Do not withdraw yourself from blissful moments. They enrich your life whenever they come naturally: as a natural result of what you love to do.
These natural blissful moments are NOT what this article or trilogy is about though. This article is about other moments when you feel discontent, despair or any kind of unease or tension that you’d like to take away by (re)creating a blissful moment. As a sort of distraction away from the present unease. A cover up for sadness, loneliness or perhaps even unhappiness.
Forced blissful moments
Blissful moments make you feel like you can handle anything, like you’re on top of the world. For a little while they make you forget about all your problems. For a little while they give you the feeling that you do belong and that you can be successful.
So of course it is worth a try to create a blissful moment to take away unease, for example by eating a candy. You probably do this all the time, throughout most of your days. That in itself is not a problem.
It becomes a problem when attempts to create blissful moments as a distraction away from unease become the main pattern to deal with unease. When you stop to take the effort to pay attention to your sadness, loneliness or fears and you do not try to connect to your inner self. When you do not take care of whatever is there inside you that needs your attention, in order to heal. Yes, then the (re)creation of blissful moments becomes a problem. For it reinforces an inner unbalance, which only makes the unease grow.
“Forced blissful moments reinforce the present inner unbalance. As a result, the unease and suffering grow.”
Once you’ve become used to force yourself to experience blissfull moments as a cover up for unease and emotional pain, it is hard to let it go. Because the bliss is great. It is only the moment afterwards that makes reality even harder to deal with. So you try to create another blissful moment, even quicker. Before you know it, one forced blissful moment makes you yearn for even more forced blissful moments. For when the bliss doesn’t come naturally, you attempt to give nature a little help. But do forced blissful moments also lead to the feeling of true success and contentment?
To be continued…
So far this first article on bliss, success and happiness. In about two weeks I will send you the second part through my newsletter. In this second article of the trilogy, you can read which influence trust exercises on finding success and happiness. If you don’t receive my newsletter yet, be sure to subscribe. It’s free 🙂
In the meanwhile you can find more inspiration and tools for conscious living in the product overview.
Wendy Van Mieghem, psychotherapist, sociologist, teacher
success and happiness