Conditional trust

This article is the second part of a trilogy on success and happiness. It unfolds the natural connection between success and the road to happiness.

In the first part of this trilogy you’ve been able to read about the difference between natural and forced moments of happiness and bliss and how you tend to lose yourself when you trie to (re)create a moment of bliss. This second article goes into the conditionality and how you become dependent whenever you lack inner trust and faith. The third and final article of this trilogy addresses why the road to succes and happiness is empty and how to find your way back to your inner home.

This trilogy is written by Wendy Van Mieghem, psychotherapist, sociologist and teacher. I offer you inspiration and tools for conscious living.

Conditional trust

Conditional trust

Attempting to be successful is like a drug: you try to create an experience that makes you feel like you can handle anything. And once you’ve had a taste of success, you yearn for more. You want to skip the insecurities and all of the daily problems and fuzz and move straight to that next moment of bliss.

“Success and happiness always taste morish. We’d love to move to the next bliss immediately and skip the hussle and bustle.”

So you start chasing it, looking for possibilities to get another shot. And the more desperate you become, the more you are willing to believe the message of a success guru that happens to pass by. You can’t resist the temptation of it. You want it too much to be true. You behave like an addict yearning for another shot. You’re totally absorbed by your own short term needs and you are consequently ignoring the inner alarm bells that are signalling at the necessity to take care of your long term needs and well-being.

At this moment, of which I am sure we have all experienced it before one way or the other, you are totally blinded by your instant lust and desires. You’ve lost the self-confidence that waiting a little longer, moving out of the narrow tunnel you’ve gotten yourself in, would do you any good. Out of insecurity about whether or not you would or wouldn’t be able to find fulfillment later on in your life, you find yourself at the mercy of a random success guru, a stranger. You don’t see who he or she is, you don’t see his or her intentions. All you crave for is to find relief for the intense emotional burden that you experience, and so you choose to trust the other more than yourself.

It makes you dependent:

  • you experience needs and desires. You sincerely long for their realization or fulfillment but you’ve lost the self-confidence that you yourself are able to find your way to it. You feel insecure and you don’t know how to deal with it. It makes you feel desperate and out of control.
  • then somebody comes along who promises you the bliss of success. He or she offers you a moment of bliss, so you experience it and remember what it is like. It is a short term bliss, that is gone in a blink: a few seconds, hours or days. But, as you are desperate, you yearn for more and therefore put your faith in the hand of the passenger.
  • you totally rely on the other now. You were not invited to find your own inner way to success and happiness. You experienced that the other can make you experience success. So you need the other. You need to listen to what the other is saying or asking you to do, in order to satisfy your needs and desires.

Through the actions above, a dependency is created that is also called “conditioning” in the field of psychology. Conditioning means ‘to make dependent of conditions or certain terms’.  And that is exactly what it is: a conditional way to find a short term experience of bliss.

The real goal of any success guru has never been to help you find real success on the long term. He or she is not genuinely involved or engaged with your well-being. He or she just wants to sell you whatever he or she is selling. Its most important goal is to make money and to save its bacon or skin. And therefore he or she needs us to depend on him/her and let you believe as long as possible in its successful power.

Reality check

Sooner or later you will become aware that, despite all the promises and short term bliss, you still lack a long term fulfillment. You feel empty inside, discontent and perhaps also lonely or depressed. You still struggle with the realization of your long term needs and desires. Yes, you’ve been distracted and it was nice in a way, perhaps even worth the try. But at some point, reality will kick in. You suddenly see that all the time and money you’ve invested in short term bliss did not work out the way you longed for.

You appear to have abandoned yourself; there was a conditional trust and self-confidence. Only if you would have a guarantee that you would experience success and happiness, you (might!) be willing to accept the sass and hassle that naturally come along with it. So there is no short cut. The insecurity and daily issues are still here. And they frighten you more than ever. It was an illusion to think you could run away from them. Perhaps you even discover that you have indeed become an addict.

“Your destination travels with you. Always. Despite your actions.”

That is all ok. It really is. It is such an important life lesson to learn that your succes, happiness, well-being and fulfillment are not dependent on others, not in terms of conditions and dependence. A life lesson that teaches you that it is YOU who decides which direction in life you choose, whatever long term goal you would like to realize. Your destination travels with you. Always. Despite your actions. Only when you listen to yourself and you learn to understand and respond to the signals your body and mind are giving, you become able to receive what is present and find peace from within.

The life lesson that you are the only one who can realize and fulfill your needs and desires, reminds you of the importance to stay connected with yourself. Only then you become able to find your way through the hazzles and challenges that you face on your way to a deep inner contentment and unconditional trust in your being and in life. And isn’t that what you long for most? What the search of success and happiness is all about?

To be continued…

So far this second article on bliss, success and happiness. Here you can read the first article once more. In about two weeks I will send you the third and final part through my newsletter, in which you can read why the road to success and happiness is empty and how to find your way to your inner home.  If you don’t receive my newsletter yet, be sure to subscribe. It’s free 🙂

In the meanwhile you can find more inspiration and tools for conscious living in the product overview.

Take care,

Wendy Van Mieghem, psychotherapist, sociologist, teacher

 

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